A younger generation of women is thinking hard about this question—and that’s a good thing
(WORLD) When I was in graduate school for public policy, a recurring question weighed on me: how would I balance a job in government with family life? I was studying at a Christian university, and I longed to think biblically about the competing opportunities and responsibilities I hoped would be in my future. Of all the women I observed and interacted with about this question, the only one who didn't seem conflicted was the one who answered, “I’m not married. I don’t have children.” I hoped that wouldn’t be me.
Women are gifted for work. That’s why so many are excelling in college and across a wide field of industry. In medicine, government, law, education, even scientific research, women are high achievers. But there comes a season when the best thing a woman can do is turn her focus to the role that is uniquely hers: mothering her own children. Recently, young women have been in the news for embracing just that.
In “Conservative Young Women Flip the Script: Kids First, Then Career,” The Wall Street Journal profiled several women who are breaking the feminist mold, including 28-year-old Isabel Brown. She says, “young people are realizing that our lives are going to be so much more meaningful if we have a family to share our success with from the start.” She’s following her own advice.
Tweet This: “Young people are realizing that our lives are going to be so much more meaningful if we have a family to share our success with from the start.” @theisabelb
Brown got married last year, had a baby this year, and now records her podcast, The Isabel Brown Show, from home. In March she told an audience at the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) that they should be encouraging their adult children to “grow up and have the courage to get married and have kids—more kids than they can afford before they think they’re ready.”
This got the attention of ABC’s daytime talk show, The View, where the all-female hosts mocked Brown and maligned her message—even though they’re mothers themselves. What enraged them was her ought. Brown had the audacity to tell people that they should embrace moral norms: first get married, then have babies. It’s a message as old as Genesis 1 and 2. And it’s been under attack for decades. Feminists have told generations of women, Go all-in on your career and have babies later—if at all. And marriage? Well, that’s optional. Increasingly, young women are pushing back.
In the WSJ piece, Emma Waters, a policy analyst for the Heritage Foundation, says, “I love my work, but my top priority is to raise my children, and that cannot be outsourced to someone else for eight hours a day, five days a week.” Waters made the change from a demanding in-person job to work from home so she could be present with her two young children. “The ‘you can have it all’ mindset is so misleading,” she says. It “sets women up for disappointment.”
Tweet This: “The ‘you can have it all’ mindset is so misleading. It sets women up for disappointment.” @emlwaters
As believers, we should encourage every inkling a woman has to care for her own children.
Still, it persists. Examples of influencer and entrepreneur moms doing it all, curated for social media, leave average moms discouraged. Young moms need role models—women in their church whose lives they can study up close and imitate. How many women have never had that kind of support? How many might make different decisions about work if they did?
That’s not to say moms can only do one thing, but that for a season, outside work should diminish. The Proverbs 31 woman was industrious and profitable as a mom, but not at the expense of her primary responsibilities: her home, her husband, and her children. This message makes many women cringe. And yet, some young moms are saying out loud that they want to prioritize these things. That’s a good, God-given desire the church should encourage.
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Still, even when new moms don't want to work the same way they did before they had children, often they feel like they don’t have a choice. I tried being all-in on my career, from home, with our firstborn. It was harder than I expected. By the time our second arrived, intermittent freelancing was the most I could do. By reducing our spending, my small contribution was enough to supplement my husband’s salary so that we could live below our wants but within our needs. It was a pleasing division of labor that was highly beneficial to our children.
Those were sacrifices worth making. But they didn’t come without encouragement. This is where the church comes in. Expectant moms need help to think biblically about their priorities. Following the instructions of Titus 2:3-5, older women can help them consider options for working less and with more flexibility, and pray with them for wisdom. As believers, we should encourage every inkling a woman has to care for her own children, knowing that even a mom who is determined to go back to the office can be surprised by a sudden change of heart once her baby is born.
No matter a woman’s role in the marketplace, someone else can step into her absence, and she can step back in later. Her job, or something similar to it, will always be there. Being a mom, however, is limited. It’s the only role that’s uniquely hers, and every aspect of it, once passed, will never come again.
On the brink of an empty nest, I have potential decades ahead of me for getting back to the kind of work I was doing before our first child arrived. I can’t believe this season is nearly over, nor how grieved I would be if I had missed it. No career would be worth that. It’s not easy, but it is possible—and eternally significant—to be Mom to your own kids. It’s the one job that only Mom can do.
Editor's Note: This article originally published in WORLD Magazine and is reprinted with permission.
Candice Watters is the author of Get Married: What Women Can Do to Help It Happen. She earned her master’s degree in public policy from Regent University and is a graduate of the World Journalism Institute mid-career course. She and her husband, Steve, are the parents of four young adults.
