Thanks to the outreach of abortion healing organizations like the Silent No More Awareness Campaign there is a growing awareness that women can suffer serious emotional, physical, and spiritual complications in the aftermath of chemical and surgical abortion.
This is especially true for women who experienced ambivalence, pressure or coercion at the time of their abortion. They can suffer from the cluster of symptoms that are common with other victims of emotional trauma, including depression, insomnia, substance abuse and thoughts of suicide.
But can men also experience an abortion loss as an emotional trauma?
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A recently released Danish study analyzed the experience of close to 200,000 fathers who experienced various types of pregnancy loss. Isolating the 8,221 men in that study who were part of an abortion experience revealed the following:
- These fathers had an increased risk of emotional distress requiring counseling, were more likely to have contact with a psychiatric hospital and take antidepressants and antianxiety medication. (You can read a more detailed overview of the study with statistics here.)
With this in mind, let’s put some flesh and bones on this Danish study. A courageous father, Jason, shares his harrowing journey of abortion loss and recovery.
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Jason and Andrea
Jason returned from his time in the military service and soon met Andrea, a childhood friend from youth. She had a five-month-old daughter. Their renewed friendship developed into a romantic relationship. Over time, Jason was bonding with Andrea’s daughter, and they moved in together and then decided to get married and build a life together.
A few years later, Andrea announced she was pregnant. This was good news for Jason: “I was thrilled! Kelly was almost 3 years old and now she’d have a baby brother or sister. I told everyone in my family and at work that I was going to be a daddy.”
At first, Andrea seemed happy about the pregnancy. But after a few weeks things started to change. “She was saying things like, ‘I’m not sure if we’re ready for another child,’” Jason said, “and ‘we can’t afford to have a baby right now.’”
Jason tried to assure her he would be there to support her and the new baby. As her doubts and fears increased, Andrea told Jason she was considering an abortion.
Jason was terrified.
He was excited about being a father and didn’t want to lose his child. When Jason’s encouragement and heartfelt pleas failed, their arguments turned into fights. He even went to a lawyer to see if he had any legal rights as a father to protect his preborn child. Jason was crushed by the response: “You have no rights until the child is born.”
His final hope was that Andrea would not be able to afford the procedure, and in time would have a change of heart. Tragically, Andrea’s sister offered to pay for the abortion. It was Andrea’s sister who contacted Jason to let him know Andrea had gone through with the abortion.
He was devastated:
“The last thing I remember after hearing the news was lying in the parking lot of a bar screaming at the top of my lungs. I have no recollection of how I got home or how many days passed…”
As is often the case with abortion, the seeds of relational destruction were planted when the decision was made to terminate their baby. In time those seeds would yield their toxic fruit, the relationship deteriorated, and Jason moved out of their apartment.
Jason was hurting:
“My depression was getting worse, and I was angry all the time at everything and everyone. I was drinking heavily and started using drugs. I was also having trouble sleeping at night and my job performance began to suffer. I was stricken with panic attacks that seemed to come for no reason and without warning.”
After a period of hospitalization and dead-end treatments Jason was overcome with despair:
“Life was no longer worth living. So I sat at my dining room table with the last bottle of sleeping pills I had. ‘This will be easy’ I thought to myself. I would just swallow all these pills, lay down, fall asleep and never wake up.”
But as he raised the pills to his mouth he was overcome with an intense warmth over his entire body and a feeling of peace. The pills flew out of his hand, and he spent the next hour on the floor as tears flowed out of him in a powerful expression of grief and pain.
After discovering a book by Dr. Catherine Coyle, Men and Abortion: A Path to Healing, Jason learned he was not alone and that other men and women experienced great pain and grief from the loss of their child to abortion. He attended an abortion healing program, and experienced a deep level of emotional and spiritual healing.
Jason’s story reveals the truth that men can experience abortion as a traumatic, and at times life-threatening experience of loss.
It is important to note that the recently released Danish study clearly reveals that men who support the abortion decision, or who remain silent (wrongly seeing the pregnancy decision as a woman’s choice,) can still experience serious emotional distress after abortion.
That’s why it is so important that we continue to share resources for education on the impact of abortion on women and men, their relationships and family life, and raise awareness of safe and effective healing programs. Share this good news on social media, in your faith communities, and with your family and friends.
For some, like Jason, this will be a life-saving message of hope.
Editor's note: Theresa Burke, Ph.D., and Kevin Burke, MSS, are pastoral associates of Priests for Life and the founders of Rachel’s Vineyard. This article is a Pregnancy Help News original. Additional abortion recovery resources are available HERE.
