Every pregnancy, planned or not, involves a father. And men can be devastated by unplanned pregnancies and subsequent abortion decisions.
“Jake” came to our pregnancy help center with his teenage girlfriend, Emma, to discuss their options. Emma’s mother wasn’t a fan of their relationship, but Jake loved Emma and desperately wanted to marry her. Emma initially decided to carry her child.
Soon after, Emma told us she’d broken up with Jake and had a miscarriage. Later, she confessed she’d had an abortion. Jake was devastated.
“Michael” and Allison were excited about her pregnancy. Within a month, she was heading for an abortion clinic against his wishes. She said she was so frightened by Michael’s abusive behavior she couldn’t fathom bringing a child into the situation.
In desperation, Michael called us. He allowed us to pray for him and was receptive to learning more about God’s love through this hardship.
I tell the stories of young dads like Jake and Michael in Unleashing Your Courageous Compassion as real-life examples of the struggles men face concerning pregnancy decisions.
Here’s the thing: it can be tempting to think of men as the “bad guys” when it comes to abortion.
Yes, abortion allows men to be sexually irresponsible. Yes, some young men pressure their girlfriends into an abortion, using the threat of ending the relationship as leverage.
Some guys offer to pay for all or part of an abortion but withhold support in terms of raising a child. Other young fathers simply leave the burden of responsibility on the mother, saying, “I’ll support whatever decision you make.”
Sure, this is a cop-out, but haven’t we been telling men that being supportive and sensitive is more acceptable than taking responsibility?
Jake and Michael, like so many other young dads, were crushed by the deaths of their children. They struggled with bitter resentment, helpless rage, and grief in their souls.
Understanding their backstories helped us minister hope and healing to them.
The young father we see at a pregnancy help center may come from a family trapped in generational poverty, relational chaos, or alcohol and drug abuse. Perhaps his parents never married. He may have learned to solve problems with his fists rather than with good communication.
Repeated patterns of family crises, run-ins with the law, and jail terms might be normal life for him because that’s all he has ever known.
No matter his background or his reasons, when a man does participate in an abortion decision, he’s at risk for psychological consequences similar to those for women.
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Years after the abortion, he may find himself feeling disconnected from his wife and children, uncomfortable in the presence of men he sees as “good,” and struggling to submit to his employer.
Men who have pressured their girlfriends or wives into abortion suffer under the crushing burden of unresolved guilt, just as post-abortive women do. However, post-abortive men are hit with a double whammy.
First, since men don’t experience abortion personally in their own bodies, their emotional experience is indirect, abstract, and disconnected. Second, our society teaches men to stuff their feelings as it is—even the obvious ones.
A post-abortive man is left with a soul in turmoil. All he knows to do about the loss of his child is to shove the anguish down deeper.
The good news is, just like post-abortive women, men can find forgiveness and freedom by walking through the recovery program which pregnancy center ministry offers especially for them.
We understand every father is created in the image of another Father. When a man cries out for the life of his child or cries out for forgiveness after an abortion, God’s heart is moved.
When we hear the story of a man who has been wounded by abortion, either by pushing for it or by not being able to stop it, we have the wonderful privilege of inviting him into God’s wide, amazing grace.
When we see a grieving, guilt-ridden father come to closure and wholeness, we see the beauty of the gospel at work.
Tweet This: The good news is, just like post-abortive women, men can find forgiveness and freedom through pregnancy help abortion recovery programs.
This Father’s Day let’s consider the many men in our communities and in our churches who have yet to find inner peace after an abortion.
Let’s resist the temptation to place blame and judgment on them. Let’s demonstrate a heart of mercy instead.
Let’s bring them before our Father in heaven in prayer. He understands them. He loves them.
And He longs to bring them to wholeness.
Heavenly Father, You know the heart of a father better than anyone. You welcome every image-bearer with open arms, no matter the depth of our pain or how awful the sin we have committed. This Father’s Day, we bring before you the men in our communities and churches who have been wounded by the grief, guilt, and bitterness of abortion. Reveal to these fathers your tender mercies. Open their hearts to your healing and make their lives a testimony to Your grace.
In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
