When we think of a person hurting after abortion, we naturally think of the mother, and less often, the father of the baby.
But have you ever considered the suffering of grandparents who are closely connected to an abortion loss, especially one they were powerless to prevent?
Leann is a single mother of Lisa, age 19, and John, age 25. Leann divorced her husband when Lisa was a baby due to his frequent adulterous affairs and physical abuse. Lisa struggled since age 15 with periods of emotional and relationship instability aggravated by the occasional abuse of drugs and alcohol.
Lisa was close to Leann’s mother and father and would sometimes join them for dinner. One evening, as they were just about to clear the dishes, Lisa asked her grandparents the following question: “I have a friend who is pregnant. The boyfriend and his parents want her to get an abortion. What do you think she should do?”
The grandparents were firm: “Your friend should not have an abortion.”
Later that evening Leann spoke to her mother, who shared about the exchange with Lisa. Leann and her mother both agreed that Lisa was testing the waters, and likely was pregnant herself.
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A few weeks later, Lisa approached her mom to let her know she was staying overnight with a friend, and they were going skiing the next day. Leann wondered if this was actually a trip to an abortion center with her boyfriend.
Leann shares, “As I sat at my desk the next morning at work, I felt a powerful urge to do something to try and save the life of my grandchild. I prayed for the Holy Spirit’s assistance and called the first abortion business in the area.”
With her first call, she learned that Lisa was in the waiting room and the receptionist put her on the phone. Lisa was crying and confused, and said she had to go.
Leann said:
“I spoke to the receptionist and made it quite clear that given my daughter’s current state of mind and her past mental health issues that if they went through with the procedure, I would immediately initiate a lawsuit. Thankfully, they canceled the procedure, and the baby was safe.”
Initially, Lisa reacted with rage at her mother’s intervention. In time she calmed down and appeared to be moving toward accepting the pregnancy.
Lisa was having regular visits with her gynecologist as her baby grew. But tragically, her boyfriend and his family preyed upon Lisa’s insecurities and fears of becoming the parent of a newborn baby. She agreed to schedule another abortion. Given the advanced gestational age of the child, the procedure was scheduled at a nearby hospital.
Leann contacted her parish priest, Fr. Dominic, who then rushed to the hospital on the day of the procedure. He gave Lisa a rosary, blessed by St. John Paul II, and told her, “This child will be a gift, a blessing to this family, and loved by all.”
Lisa walked away from the priest in tears and went through with the abortion. Leann was devastated:
“I cannot explain the level of grief and anger that flooded my heart and soul. I was filled with rage at the hospital and all involved with the procedure. But I was especially so deeply hurt and angry at my daughter.”
A few months after the procedure, still reeling from the shock and pain of the family’s loss, Leann scheduled a meeting with her priest, who suggested she consider Rachel’s Vineyard, a weekend program of emotional and spiritual healing.
Leann contacted the site leader in her area, shared some of her story, and learned that grandparents were most welcome to attend.
“The retreat was a powerful experience of healing for me,” she said. “I was able to openly share my anger and grief. As the weekend progressed, I came to intimately experience God’s healing peace.”
We know from our work how important it is for grandparents who are deeply wounded - by either encouraging a son or daughter to abort or being powerless to prevent the death of a grandchild - to participate in an abortion recovery program. This provides a safe place to share their stories, and feelings of pain, shame, anger and grief.
As grandparents progress through the stages of spiritual and emotional healing, they open their wounded hearts and souls to God’s grace. They hear mothers and fathers of aborted babies sharing their stories, and journeys of suffering and healing. This empowers grandparents to more effectively reach out with love and compassion to their own son or daughter.
Tweet This: It is important for grandparents who are deeply wounded by abortion to participate in an abortion recovery program.
Light shines in the darkness
Six months after the abortion, Lisa’s older brother asked her to be the godmother of his newborn baby boy. This event served as a traumatic trigger, releasing a flood of abortion grief and pain. Lisa suffered an emotional collapse, requiring hospitalization. She recovered, but remained deeply wounded, not yet open to an abortion healing program.
Two years after the abortion she met a man with a pregnancy loss in his history, and familiar with Rachel’s Vineyard. He encouraged her to consider the weekend program. Lisa agreed and registered for an upcoming retreat.
Lisa invited her mother to attend the memorial service on the final day of the retreat, when participants honor the child with a special ceremony and religious service to entrust the children to the Lord.
Leann was given a program that included the names of the children being honored that day. She knew immediately what name Lisa had given her baby – Dominic Leonard.
Lisa named her child after the priest who shared the love and mercy of Jesus, before and after the abortion. She gave the baby the middle name of Leonard after her grandfather, whom Lisa loved dearly.
Leann shares:
“The memorial service was deeply moving; the suffering of the cross, yet with the hope that comes from faith in the resurrection of Christ Jesus, and the peace and joy that not all is lost. We know now that Dominic is alive with the Lord. We grieved and honored the child together. This was a time of grace and healing in our relationship, that had been so damaged by abortion.”
Editor's note: Theresa Burke, Ph.D., and Kevin Burke, MSS, are pastoral associates of Priests for Life and the founders of Rachel’s Vineyard. This article is a Pregnancy Help News original. Additional abortion recovery resources are available HERE.
