Mother's Day is upon us once again, and as expected it’s anticipated to be a day of celebrating for moms.
For some women, missing a child lost to abortion can be especially painful as the day approaches.
Melissa is a 50-year-old wife and mother. Besides her three living children, she has a child that was aborted when she was in her early 20s.
"Really I couldn't stand it for years,” Melissa said. “Mother's Day was just too much of a reminder of why I wasn't a mom."
It would bring on memories and regret, and she'd have to fake it to cheerfully say ‘Happy Mother's Day’ to other moms around her. She was able to have two more children years later, and while she still thinks about her missing child, she can appreciate Mother's Day now. One positive outcome from her experience is her offering support and prayer to young women outside a local Planned Parenthood.
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Lisa (not her real name) longed to be a wife and mother when she was in high school. But when she became pregnant at 16 and the child's father wasn't interested, she had an abortion. Two years later a similar scenario unfolded with another boyfriend. She really cared about him and hoped he cared enough about her to have the baby, but he wasn't working and said he couldn't handle a child.
With no support around her and with the abortion center not showing her an ultrasound, she felt it had to be.
After a second abortion, Lisa suppressed any thoughts or feelings over the tragic choices. It became hard to be loving or kind, even to herself.
"I was in a place of self-condemnation," she remembers. "It was such a hidden part of my life. I didn't tell anyone."
Lisa promised herself she would never get pregnant again.
"It was like a punishment I was giving myself," she said.
And so, for many years, Mother's Day meant avoiding the painful regret as others around her were joyful over their motherhood.
Eventually she heard of the post-abortion healing ministry, Entering Canaan, co-developed by post-abortion ministry advocate Theresa Bonapartis.
"That was life changing,” Lisa said. “To confess my sin and seek God's healing mercy, to receive this kind of healing and come to understand that God forgives the debt...it's no longer about what I've done, now it's about what He's done for me."
Following the three-day retreat with Entering Canaan, Lisa wanted to know and love God more in her gratitude for His mercy. She began reading Scripture, going to daily Mass, and continued to go to healing ministry talks and meetings. At Mass, Lisa feels connected to her children and often talks to them. One time the thought came to her from, she believes, one of her children: "We died a martyr's death for your salvation."
Lisa is a changed person. Now married with a six-year-old child, she is so appreciative that she was able to overcome the physical and emotional trauma and become a loving mother.
"Mother's Day is so different for me now,” Lisa said. “I always think of those two children, how my daughter doesn't have those two siblings because of what I did. My parents never knew I was pregnant but now they're with those children in heaven."
Over the past few years, Lisa has felt called to help in pro-life work to help other women avoid the same tragedy she went through. She now gives her time at a local pregnancy center, sorting through bags of maternity and baby clothes, taking calls, and helping out however she can.
Tweet This: For some women, missing a child lost to abortion can be especially painful as Mother's Day approaches.
Another post-abortive woman, Diana, shared, "Mother’s Day had always been a dreaded day for me. But over the last 46 years since I lost my little ones through the horrific act of abortion, I have dealt with the intense pain of my loss."
Participating in her diocese's Project Rachel program was a starting point.
As part of her healing journey, Diana wrote the following poignant statement as an expression of her suffering:
The Hardest Thing About Having an Abortion.
The hardest thing about having an abortion is not, as one might think, making the decision to abort, or having 'the procedure.'
It's not the fact that your boyfriend/husband left you.
It's not the numerous anti-depressants your doctor keeps prescribing.
It's not all the prayers said in hopes that God will forgive you.
It's not eventually telling your parents and seeing them cry.
It's not the gynecological complications that result.
It's not looking around and seeing that people are trying to save whales and baby seals rather than baby humans.
It's not the fact that you're scared to tell a soul (and would they care anyway?).
The hardest thing about having an abortion is:
Waking up one morning and realizing it would have been his birthday.
Walking through Wal-Mart and thinking, "she would've looked so darling in that outfit."
Dreading the first day of school because your child is not at the bus stop.
On Halloween, when your child isn't among the princesses and Power Rangers going around the neighborhood.
Thanksgiving, when you thank God for your family, and you're reminded that you don't have one.
Christmas and Easter when you don't have your children to share the special day with.
Mother's Day that's like a stinging slap in the face.
Thinking that God will give them back to you - but knowing it won't be in this lifetime.
Having someone tell you it wasn't really a child.
The hardest thing about having an abortion is living your life without your child.
Diana says her suffering, "has only softened through Our Lord's saving grace."
Theresa Bonapartis captures it well:
"We may not be able to hold the physical bodies of our children on earth, but we hold the spiritual and emotional ties deep in our hearts. By acknowledging our motherhood, we acknowledge our love for them, making them part of our family, separated by space but joined forever by grace and love."
Editor's note: Abortion recovery resources are available HERE.
