As pet owners can attest, the death of a beloved family dog or cat is experienced as a profound loss. Pets often accompany us through our personal and family development. They remain a loyal, comforting constant through the many changes, challenges and joys of life. They serve as a living icon of the loyalty, unconditional love and joy we strive to cultivate within our personal and family relationships.
Heidi Young is a writer for the New York Times. She shares of the deep depression and disorientation she experienced as a single woman, living alone, with the loss of her dog Emily.
Once, in the first week following her death, I came up from the basement and looked at the spot where she would usually be waiting. I called for her with the foolish notion that she’d appear at the top of the stairs. But of course, no: just another sledgehammer reminder that she was really gone.
Young struggled with guilt about having the dog put to sleep, even though the decision was a compassionate and necessary one for the suffering animal. The experience at the animal hospital was traumatic for her.
Despite reassurance from the vet that she was doing the right thing, in the days that followed Emily’s death, Young had to seek professional help as she tried to cope with her depression and grief, which she chronicled in her New York Times piece.
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The intensity of this grief reaction brought to mind the story of Caitlyn from the book Forbidden Grief. Sometimes a grief reaction can connect with a submerged area of unacknowledged grief and loss from the past.
Six years had passed since the time of Caitlyn’s abortion loss. She seldom thought about the procedure and was not conscious of any grief or guilt. When her dog became seriously ill, Caitlyn made an appointment to put the dog to sleep.
Caitlyn shares her meeting with the vet:
I told the vet that I had a hard time allowing something to be killed.
As I spoke these words, the memory of my abortion came back like an overpowering nausea. My thought was literally, “Well, you killed your baby; why can’t you let your dog die?” My legs started shaking, I couldn’t catch my breath.
My abortion never bothered me until that moment. When [my dog] was gone I missed her, but even more I missed my baby…I should have a six-year-old with me! It was horrible.
The loss of a beloved pet can cause an intense grief reaction. But as Caitlyn’s story reveals, hidden within such an intense response may lie an area of loss that has been deeply repressed and denied. When the heart and soul are torn asunder by intense mourning, this previously submerged grief may rise up within a woman or man with a past abortion experience.
After Caitlyn was able to make the connection between the death of her pet and her past abortion, she later experienced deep emotional and spiritual healing by participating in an abortion healing program. But many women and men may be reeling after the loss of a family pet, struggling with anxiety and depression in the aftermath, and make no connection to a past abortion loss.
This is where counselors and church ministers can be especially helpful. When you are accompanying a person through an intense grief experience, be mindful that this may be surfacing other painful feelings and memories that have been buried for some time.
Once trust is established, and you have given them an opportunity to share their present grief, let them know that feelings and memories of other loss and trauma from life can surface during times of mourning, and it can be helpful to bring the light of God’s mercy and healing into these areas of loss. This may include past abuse, pregnancy loss, such as a particularly painful miscarriage or abortion experience, or some other area of grief.
If they share about a past abortion, listen with love, and allow them to share their story. Let them know the blessing and benefits of an abortion healing program and share resources for emotional and spiritual healing.
Tweet This: If someone shares about a past abortion, listen with love, allow them to share their story, let them know of an abortion healing program.
Pets are such a source of joy and blessing in our lives. They may also, in their passing, provide a window into the wounded soul, and reveal those places where God wants to share his mercy, forgiveness and healing.
Editor's note: Theresa Burke, Ph.D., and Kevin Burke, MSS, are pastoral associates of Priests for Life and the founders of Rachel’s Vineyard. This article is a Pregnancy Help News original. Additional abortion recovery resources are available HERE.
